Seven or eight years ago a friend of mine told me a story about her lecturer. Ever since her lecturer got married, she had never pumped her own gas. Her husband always did it for her. One day, her car ran out of gas and she was stuck on the side of the road. She was so scared to call her husband to admit that she didn't fill up the gas before going to wherever she was planning to go to. In the end she decided to call her husband and fess up. To her surprise, her husband apologized profusely for forgetting to fill up her car with gas.
When I heard that story I accepted that I will never find a man that cares for a woman to that extent, nor have I known one before. In fact, I felt that it was absurd to rely on a man so much. My father and brothers are caring and loving, but have always taught me to be an independent person. If I am facing troubles - big or small - I will have to man up and face it on my own, or else find friend(s) to help me. But never in a way that I would rely on that friend completely. I didn't believe that such a man (like the lecturer's husband) existed.
And so I went through life as usual, fighting my own battles. Never did I rely on a boyfriend to do anything for me, or save me in any situation, nor did I expect him to. I was just never taught that women should rely on men. My stepmother worked her ass off to get whatever she wanted. My grandmother hates women who do not work. My aunt is a successful retired headmistress. It was just in my blood that whatever a woman wants, a woman fights for on her own two damn feet.
After I met my husband (boyfriend, at that time) there has been numerous occasions that proved otherwise. But I would like to talk about what happened today.
Today, I had lunch at a Subway restaurant which was located in a Mydin supermarket. As soon as I exited Subway, holding my free white chip macadamia cookie, I noticed a guy staring at me, but I ignored him. Note that I am not usually suspicious of people, nor am I easily scared when there is nothing to be scared about. I noticed him walking behind me, but thought hey, it's quite normal for two people to walk in the same direction outside a supermarket. I ignored him and went into a shop across the road to buy dates (people told me that eating dates everyday will ease labour). I was a bit surprised when I exited the shop to see him standing near the entrance, staring at me. I walked back across the road to the supermarket's parking lot and noticed him still following me, so I changed direction and walked into the supermarket where there was a security guard and more people. The guy stopped at the supermarket's entrance and didn't enter. I waited for a few minutes while texting my husband just in case something happens to me, and then my phone died, as usual (my stupid battery lasts approximately three hours), and I decided to tell the security guard only if the guy was still there. Fortunately, he was gone. I quickly walked to my car and started driving, where I drove right past the guy. He was loitering in a different part of the parking lot. Luckily I was safe inside my car with the doors locked and can easily speed off.
A few minutes after I arrived home, my husband arrived as well. He said he went looking for me at the supermarket and couldn't find me, so he came home to find me. I asked "Why?" and he said, in a tone that suggested it's an obvious answer, "Because I love you! I was worried." His voice was shaking, too.
Even after all this time, I am still partly confused as to why my husband is worried about me all the time and hurries to find me whenever I am in trouble. I still ask "why". I still feel that he doesn't have to.
But now I see. Now I know. I have found my special person. He's my person.
And looking at the way he treats his mother, I am not worried that he's going to stop worrying about me or stop loving me anytime soon.
I love you.
xoxo Sofiya
When I heard that story I accepted that I will never find a man that cares for a woman to that extent, nor have I known one before. In fact, I felt that it was absurd to rely on a man so much. My father and brothers are caring and loving, but have always taught me to be an independent person. If I am facing troubles - big or small - I will have to man up and face it on my own, or else find friend(s) to help me. But never in a way that I would rely on that friend completely. I didn't believe that such a man (like the lecturer's husband) existed.
And so I went through life as usual, fighting my own battles. Never did I rely on a boyfriend to do anything for me, or save me in any situation, nor did I expect him to. I was just never taught that women should rely on men. My stepmother worked her ass off to get whatever she wanted. My grandmother hates women who do not work. My aunt is a successful retired headmistress. It was just in my blood that whatever a woman wants, a woman fights for on her own two damn feet.
After I met my husband (boyfriend, at that time) there has been numerous occasions that proved otherwise. But I would like to talk about what happened today.
Today, I had lunch at a Subway restaurant which was located in a Mydin supermarket. As soon as I exited Subway, holding my free white chip macadamia cookie, I noticed a guy staring at me, but I ignored him. Note that I am not usually suspicious of people, nor am I easily scared when there is nothing to be scared about. I noticed him walking behind me, but thought hey, it's quite normal for two people to walk in the same direction outside a supermarket. I ignored him and went into a shop across the road to buy dates (people told me that eating dates everyday will ease labour). I was a bit surprised when I exited the shop to see him standing near the entrance, staring at me. I walked back across the road to the supermarket's parking lot and noticed him still following me, so I changed direction and walked into the supermarket where there was a security guard and more people. The guy stopped at the supermarket's entrance and didn't enter. I waited for a few minutes while texting my husband just in case something happens to me, and then my phone died, as usual (my stupid battery lasts approximately three hours), and I decided to tell the security guard only if the guy was still there. Fortunately, he was gone. I quickly walked to my car and started driving, where I drove right past the guy. He was loitering in a different part of the parking lot. Luckily I was safe inside my car with the doors locked and can easily speed off.
A few minutes after I arrived home, my husband arrived as well. He said he went looking for me at the supermarket and couldn't find me, so he came home to find me. I asked "Why?" and he said, in a tone that suggested it's an obvious answer, "Because I love you! I was worried." His voice was shaking, too.
Even after all this time, I am still partly confused as to why my husband is worried about me all the time and hurries to find me whenever I am in trouble. I still ask "why". I still feel that he doesn't have to.
But now I see. Now I know. I have found my special person. He's my person.
And looking at the way he treats his mother, I am not worried that he's going to stop worrying about me or stop loving me anytime soon.
I love you.
xoxo Sofiya
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