We've been married for one month and two days! We spent the weekend at my brother's house which was Oh-My-God so amazing. It felt like staying in a hotel! He has the best apartment ever.
I have told quite a few people about my pregnancy. I included the fact that the expected "baby-making" date was July 8th, and our wedding date was July 7th. Yesterday I realized that I might have been bragging about being able to get pregnant as soon as I got married, when actually it wasn't my doing. It is Allah's will. Kun Fayakun. He says "be", and so it is.
I am now feeling guilty for bragging about and it and am worrying constantly, because if Allah wills that I lose this baby, then I will lose it. I know Allah is fair and just and will only give what is best for us, and if He wills that I lose this baby, there must be a reason behind it. And even though there is no sign of it happening, I am so worried because I really really want this baby. I am starting to love this teeny-weeny thing inside my tummy.
Alhamdulillah, ya Allah, for everything You have bestowed upon us.
The other day dear husband requested that I start dressing nicer. I see his point, because I am wearing five-year old clothes, if not older, which are mostly hand-me-downs so they don't actually fit me. Most of my clothes are old-fashioned and a bit big for me. I don't shop, ever. I really do want to start dressing nicer - heck, who doesn't want to have clothes that actually fit? But it will be a challenge, having no item of clothing to start with. It will take me months to get a whole new wardrobe. I'm not sure I can even afford to shop for clothes. Right after we got married (which cleared out our entire savings), I received an email saying I have been blacklisted from leaving the country because I have overdue education loan payments. I have been paying the correct amount every month, but I only started a few months ago, hence I neglected the payments before that (I didn't work back then) which amounted to more than RM 4,000. I am required to pay at least RM 2,000 to clear my name from the blacklist and do a restructuring of the loan repayments. On top of that, dear husband is required to go to Germany for three months for work, and I really really want to go, but I do not think I can afford to save up to clear my name from the blacklist AND purchase the flight tickets AND at the same time save a little bit every month for the baby's stuff.
I have never lived without savings, so I am panicking a little knowing that I don't have anything to fall back upon.
Dear husband has been supporting me a lot this month, and it's not like he can afford much more either, what with moving into a new house and buying the furniture.
Tomorrow will be a better day, insyaAllah.
I have told quite a few people about my pregnancy. I included the fact that the expected "baby-making" date was July 8th, and our wedding date was July 7th. Yesterday I realized that I might have been bragging about being able to get pregnant as soon as I got married, when actually it wasn't my doing. It is Allah's will. Kun Fayakun. He says "be", and so it is.
I am now feeling guilty for bragging about and it and am worrying constantly, because if Allah wills that I lose this baby, then I will lose it. I know Allah is fair and just and will only give what is best for us, and if He wills that I lose this baby, there must be a reason behind it. And even though there is no sign of it happening, I am so worried because I really really want this baby. I am starting to love this teeny-weeny thing inside my tummy.
Alhamdulillah, ya Allah, for everything You have bestowed upon us.
The other day dear husband requested that I start dressing nicer. I see his point, because I am wearing five-year old clothes, if not older, which are mostly hand-me-downs so they don't actually fit me. Most of my clothes are old-fashioned and a bit big for me. I don't shop, ever. I really do want to start dressing nicer - heck, who doesn't want to have clothes that actually fit? But it will be a challenge, having no item of clothing to start with. It will take me months to get a whole new wardrobe. I'm not sure I can even afford to shop for clothes. Right after we got married (which cleared out our entire savings), I received an email saying I have been blacklisted from leaving the country because I have overdue education loan payments. I have been paying the correct amount every month, but I only started a few months ago, hence I neglected the payments before that (I didn't work back then) which amounted to more than RM 4,000. I am required to pay at least RM 2,000 to clear my name from the blacklist and do a restructuring of the loan repayments. On top of that, dear husband is required to go to Germany for three months for work, and I really really want to go, but I do not think I can afford to save up to clear my name from the blacklist AND purchase the flight tickets AND at the same time save a little bit every month for the baby's stuff.
I have never lived without savings, so I am panicking a little knowing that I don't have anything to fall back upon.
Dear husband has been supporting me a lot this month, and it's not like he can afford much more either, what with moving into a new house and buying the furniture.
Tomorrow will be a better day, insyaAllah.
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